SCENE II. Athens. A Room in the Prison

Enter Doctor, Jailer and Wooer in the habit of Palamon.

DOCTOR. Has this advice I told you, done any good upon her?

WOOER. O, very much. The maids that kept her company Have half persuaded her that I am Palamon; Within this half-hour she came smiling to me, And asked me what I would eat, and when I would kiss her. I told her “Presently,” and kissed her twice.

DOCTOR. ’Twas well done. Twenty times had been far better, For there the cure lies mainly.

WOOER. Then she told me She would watch with me tonight, for well she knew What hour my fit would take me.

DOCTOR. Let her do so, And when your fit comes, fit her home, and presently.

WOOER. She would have me sing.

DOCTOR. You did so?

WOOER. No.

DOCTOR. ’Twas very ill done, then; You should observe her every way.

WOOER. Alas, I have no voice, sir, to confirm her that way.

DOCTOR. That’s all one, if ye make a noise. If she entreat again, do anything. Lie with her, if she ask you.

JAILER. Hoa, there, doctor!

DOCTOR. Yes, in the way of cure.

JAILER. But first, by your leave, I’ th’ way of honesty.

DOCTOR. That’s but a niceness, Ne’er cast your child away for honesty. Cure her first this way; then if she will be honest, She has the path before her.

JAILER. Thank ye, Doctor.

DOCTOR. Pray, bring her in, And let’s see how she is.

JAILER. I will, and tell her Her Palamon stays for her. But, Doctor, Methinks you are i’ th’ wrong still.

[ Exit Jailer . ]

DOCTOR. Go, go; You fathers are fine fools. Her honesty? An we should give her physic till we find that!

WOOER. Why, do you think she is not honest, sir?

DOCTOR. How old is she?

WOOER. She’s eighteen.

DOCTOR. She may be, But that’s all one; ’tis nothing to our purpose. Whate’er her father says, if you perceive Her mood inclining that way that I spoke of, Videlicet , the way of flesh—you have me?

WOOER. Yes, very well, sir.

DOCTOR. Please her appetite, And do it home; it cures her, ipso facto , The melancholy humour that infects her.

WOOER. I am of your mind, Doctor.

Enter Jailer, Jailer’s Daughter and Maid .

DOCTOR. You’ll find it so. She comes, pray, humour her.

JAILER. Come, your love Palamon stays for you, child, And has done this long hour, to visit you.

DAUGHTER. I thank him for his gentle patience; He’s a kind gentleman, and I am much bound to him. Did you ne’er see the horse he gave me?

JAILER. Yes.

DAUGHTER. How do you like him?

JAILER. He’s a very fair one.

DAUGHTER. You never saw him dance?

JAILER. No.

DAUGHTER. I have often. He dances very finely, very comely, And for a jig, come cut and long tail to him, He turns ye like a top.

JAILER. That’s fine, indeed.

DAUGHTER. He’ll dance the morris twenty mile an hour, And that will founder the best hobby-horse If I have any skill in all the parish, And gallops to the tune of “Light o’ love.” What think you of this horse?

JAILER. Having these virtues, I think he might be brought to play at tennis.

DAUGHTER. Alas, that’s nothing.

JAILER. Can he write and read too?

DAUGHTER. A very fair hand, and casts himself th’ accounts Of all his hay and provender. That hostler Must rise betime that cozens him. You know The chestnut mare the Duke has?

JAILER. Very well.

DAUGHTER. She is horribly in love with him, poor beast; But he is like his master, coy and scornful.

JAILER. What dowry has she?

DAUGHTER. Some two hundred bottles, And twenty strike of oates; but he’ll ne’er have her. He lisps in’s neighing, able to entice A miller’s mare. He’ll be the death of her.

DOCTOR. What stuff she utters!

JAILER. Make curtsy; here your love comes.

Enter Wooer and Doctor come forward.

WOOER. Pretty soul, How do ye? That’s a fine maid; there’s a curtsy!

DAUGHTER. Yours to command i’ th’ way of honesty. How far is’t now to’ th’ end o’ th’ world, my masters?

DOCTOR. Why, a day’s journey, wench.

DAUGHTER. Will you go with me?

WOOER. What shall we do there, wench?

DAUGHTER. Why, play at stool-ball; What is there else to do?

WOOER. I am content, If we shall keep our wedding there.

DAUGHTER. ’Tis true, For there, I will assure you, we shall find Some blind priest for the purpose, that will venture To marry us, for here they are nice and foolish. Besides, my father must be hanged tomorrow, And that would be a blot i’ th’ business. Are not you Palamon?

WOOER. Do not you know me?

DAUGHTER. Yes, but you care not for me. I have nothing But this poor petticoat, and two coarse smocks.

WOOER. That’s all one; I will have you.

DAUGHTER. Will you surely?

WOOER. [ Taking her hand. ] Yes, by this fair hand, will I.

DAUGHTER. We’ll to bed, then.

WOOER. E’en when you will.

[ Kisses her. ]

DAUGHTER. [ Rubs off the kiss. ] O sir, you would fain be nibbling.

WOOER. Why do you rub my kiss off?

DAUGHTER. ’Tis a sweet one, And will perfume me finely against the wedding. Is not this your cousin Arcite?

[ She indicates the Doctor . ]

DOCTOR. Yes, sweetheart, And I am glad my cousin Palamon Has made so fair a choice.

DAUGHTER. Do you think he’ll have me?

DOCTOR. Yes, without doubt.

DAUGHTER. Do you think so too?

JAILER. Yes.

DAUGHTER. We shall have many children. [ To Doctor. ] Lord, how you’re grown! My Palamon, I hope, will grow too, finely, Now he’s at liberty. Alas, poor chicken, He was kept down with hard meat and ill lodging, But I’ll kiss him up again.

Enter a Messenger .

MESSENGER. What do you here? You’ll lose the noblest sight That e’er was seen.

JAILER. Are they i’ th’ field?

MESSENGER. They are. You bear a charge there too.

JAILER. I’ll away straight. I must e’en leave you here.

DOCTOR. Nay, we’ll go with you; I will not lose the sight.

JAILER. How did you like her?

DOCTOR. I’ll warrant you, within these three or four days I’ll make her right again. You must not from her, But still preserve her in this way.

WOOER. I will.

DOCTOR. Let’s get her in.

WOOER. Come, sweet, we’ll go to dinner; And then we’ll play at cards.

DAUGHTER. And shall we kiss too?

WOOER. A hundred times.

DAUGHTER. And twenty.

WOOER. Ay, and twenty.

DAUGHTER. And then we’ll sleep together.

DOCTOR. Take her offer.

WOOER. Yes, marry, will we.

DAUGHTER. But you shall not hurt me.

WOOER. I will not, sweet.

DAUGHTER. If you do, love, I’ll cry.

[ Exeunt. ]