SCENE V. Another part of the forest

Enter a Schoolmaster and five Countrymen , one dressed as a Bavian.

SCHOOLMASTER. Fie, fie, What tediosity and disinsanity Is here among ye! Have my rudiments Been laboured so long with ye, milked unto ye, And, by a figure, even the very plum-broth And marrow of my understanding laid upon ye, And do you still cry “Where?” and “How?” and “Wherefore?” You most coarse-frieze capacities, ye jean judgements, Have I said “Thus let be” and “There let be” And “Then let be” and no man understand me? Proh Deum, medius fidius , ye are all dunces! For why? Here stand I; here the Duke comes; there are you, Close in the thicket; the Duke appears; I meet him And unto him I utter learned things And many figures; he hears, and nods, and hums, And then cries “Rare!” and I go forward. At length I fling my cap up—mark there! Then do you As once did Meleager and the boar, Break comely out before him; like true lovers, Cast yourselves in a body decently, And sweetly, by a figure, trace and turn, boys.

FIRST COUNTRYMAN. And sweetly we will do it, Master Gerald.

SECOND COUNTRYMAN. Draw up the company. Where’s the taborer?

THIRD COUNTRYMAN. Why, Timothy!

TABORER. Here, my mad boys, have at ye.

SCHOOLMASTER. But I say, where’s their women?

Enter five Countrywomen .

FOURTH COUNTRYMAN. Here’s Friz and Maudlin.

SECOND COUNTRYMAN. And little Luce with the white legs, and bouncing Barbary.

FIRST COUNTRYMAN. And freckled Nel, that never failed her master.

SCHOOLMASTER. Where be your ribbons, maids? Swim with your bodies, And carry it sweetly and deliverly, And now and then a favour and a frisk.

NEL. Let us alone, sir.

SCHOOLMASTER. Where’s the rest o’ th’ music?

THIRD COUNTRYMAN. Dispersed, as you commanded.

SCHOOLMASTER. Couple, then, And see what’s wanting. Where’s the Bavian? My friend, carry your tail without offence Or scandal to the ladies; and be sure You tumble with audacity and manhood; And when you bark, do it with judgement.

BAVIAN. Yes, sir.

SCHOOLMASTER. Quo usque tandem? Here is a woman wanting.

FOURTH COUNTRYMAN. We may go whistle; all the fat’s i’ th’ fire.

SCHOOLMASTER. We have, as learned authors utter, washed a tile. we have been fatuus and laboured vainly.

SECOND COUNTRYMAN. This is that scornful piece, that scurvy hilding, That gave her promise faithfully, she would be here, Cicely, the sempster’s daughter. The next gloves that I give her shall be dogskin! Nay an she fail me once—You can tell, Arcas, She swore by wine and bread, she would not break.

SCHOOLMASTER. An eel and woman, A learned poet says, unless by th’ tail And with thy teeth thou hold, will either fail. In manners this was false position.

FIRST COUNTRYMAN. A fire ill take her; does she flinch now?

THIRD COUNTRYMAN. What Shall we determine, sir?

SCHOOLMASTER. Nothing. Our business is become a nullity, Yea, and a woeful and a piteous nullity.

FOURTH COUNTRYMAN. Now, when the credit of our town lay on it, Now to be frampul, now to piss o’ th’ nettle! Go thy ways; I’ll remember thee. I’ll fit thee.

Enter Jailer’s Daughter .

DAUGHTER. [ Sings .] The George Alow came from the south, From the coast of Barbary-a. And there he met with brave gallants of war, By one, by two, by three-a.

Well hailed, well hailed, you jolly gallants, And whither now are you bound-a? O let me have your company Till I come to the sound-a.

There was three fools fell out about an howlet: The one said it was an owl, The other he said nay, The third he said it was a hawk, And her bells were cut away.

THIRD COUNTRYMAN. There’s a dainty mad woman, Master, Comes i’ th’ nick, as mad as a March hare. If we can get her dance, we are made again; I warrant her, she’ll do the rarest gambols.

FIRST COUNTRYMAN. A madwoman? We are made, boys.

SCHOOLMASTER. And are you mad, good woman?

DAUGHTER. I would be sorry else. Give me your hand.

SCHOOLMASTER. Why?

DAUGHTER. I can tell your fortune. You are a fool. Tell ten. I have posed him. Buzz! Friend, you must eat no white bread; if you do, Your teeth will bleed extremely. Shall we dance, ho? I know you, you’re a tinker; sirrah tinker, Stop no more holes but what you should.

SCHOOLMASTER. Dii boni! A tinker, damsel?

DAUGHTER. Or a conjurer. Raise me a devil now, and let him play Qui passa o’ th’ bells and bones.

SCHOOLMASTER. Go, take her, And fluently persuade her to a peace. Et opus exegi, quod nec Jovis ira, nec ignis— Strike up, and lead her in.

SECOND COUNTRYMAN. Come, lass, let’s trip it.

DAUGHTER. I’ll lead.

THIRD COUNTRYMAN. Do, do!

SCHOOLMASTER. Persuasively, and cunningly. Away, boys; I hear the horns. Give me some meditation, And mark your cue.

[ Exeunt all but Schoolmaster . ]

Pallas inspire me.

Enter Theseus, Pirithous, Hippolyta, Emilia, and train.

THESEUS. This way the stag took.

SCHOOLMASTER. Stay, and edify!

THESEUS. What have we here?

PIRITHOUS. Some country sport, upon my life, sir.

THESEUS. Well, sir, go forward; we will “edify.” Ladies, sit down. We’ll stay it.

SCHOOLMASTER. Thou doughty Duke, all hail! All hail, sweet ladies!

THESEUS. This is a cold beginning.

SCHOOLMASTER. If you but favour, our country pastime made is. We are a few of those collected here That ruder tongues distinguish “villager.” And to say verity, and not to fable, We are a merry rout, or else a rabble , Or company, or by a figure, chorus , That ’fore thy dignity will dance a morris. And I that am the rectifier of all, By title pædagogus , that let fall The birch upon the breeches of the small ones, And humble with a ferula the tall ones, Do here present this machine, or this frame. And, dainty Duke, whose doughty dismal fame From Dis to Dædalus, from post to pillar, Is blown abroad, help me, thy poor well-willer, And with thy twinkling eyes look right and straight Upon this mighty Morr , of mickle weight. Is now comes in, which being glued together Makes Morris , and the cause that we came hither. The body of our sport, of no small study. I first appear, though rude and raw and muddy, To speak before thy noble grace this tenner, At whose great feet I offer up my penner. The next, the Lord of May and Lady bright, The Chambermaid and Servingman, by night That seek out silent hanging; then mine Host And his fat Spouse, that welcomes to their cost The galled traveller, and with a beck’ning Informs the tapster to inflame the reck’ning. Then the beest-eating Clown and next the Fool, The Bavian with long tail and eke long tool, Cum multis aliis that make a dance. Say “Ay,” and all shall presently advance.

THESEUS. Ay, ay, by any means, dear Domine .

PIRITHOUS. Produce.

SCHOOLMASTER. Intrate, filii! Come forth and foot it.

Music. Enter the Countrymen, Countrywomen and Jailer’s Daughter; they perform a morris dance.

Ladies, if we have been merry And have pleased ye with a derry, And a derry, and a down, Say the schoolmaster’s no clown. Duke, if we have pleased thee too And have done as good boys should do, Give us but a tree or twain For a Maypole, and again, Ere another year run out, We’ll make thee laugh, and all this rout.

THESEUS. Take twenty, Domine .—How does my sweetheart?

HIPPOLYTA. Never so pleased, sir.

EMILIA. ’Twas an excellent dance, And, for a preface, I never heard a better.

THESEUS. Schoolmaster, I thank you.—One see’em all rewarded.

PIRITHOUS. And here’s something to paint your pole withal.

[ He gives money. ]

THESEUS. Now to our sports again.

SCHOOLMASTER. May the stag thou hunt’st stand long, And thy dogs be swift and strong; May they kill him without lets, And the ladies eat his dowsets.

[ Exeunt Theseus, Pirithous, Hippolyta, Emilia, Arcite and Train. Horns winded as they go out. ]

Come, we are all made. Dii deæque omnes , You have danced rarely, wenches.

[ Exeunt. ]